“He’s a teenager. All teenagers go through a wild phase.”
“I’m a teenager. I’m in my rebellious stage.”
“He’s a guy. He’s gonna tell inappropriate jokes.”
“Yeah, well, he IS a preacher’s kid.”
These are all statements that I have heard lately. And while I have also been guilty of making the same types of comments, something inside me cringes when I hear them. There are many, many more examples of stereotypes that I could have written, but I wanted to start with the ones that I continue to hear lately.
So, what is a stereotype? According to Webster’s dictionary, a stereotype is a fixed idea about a group that may often be untrue or only partly true. According to my husband, Anthony, stereotyping is “putting someone in a certain category without knowing them.” If we connect those two thoughts, we can say that stereotyping is when, without fully knowing a person, we develop this fixed idea (which may or may not be true) about them because of who they are, their age, or any number of identifiable traits.
According to Simply Psychology, we use stereotypes “to simplify our social world and reduce the amount of processing we have to do when we meet a new person by categorizing them under a ‘preconceived marker’ of similar attributes, features, or attitudes that we observe.” Basically, we can quickly place people into categories without having to think. It’s actually very normal to stereotype. We all have unconscious biases. The problem with these quick, effortless judgments we make on people in order to put them into preconceived categories is that we don’t see the person’s individuality beyond their “label,” and we don’t allow them to be individuals by their own right. We lazily live life together without giving people a chance to live their life how they want because we don’t want to think and process each person individually. To me, this sounds so sad. We’ve actually denied a person their individuality, their creativity, their uniqueness because we expect them to be a certain way or fall into a certain category. The thing about expectations is people usually rise or fall to meet them.
So the question is: Do we have to simply fall into a given stereotype? Is it inevitable that we will “live up to” the labels that are placed on us? Do we just allow that to happen? Do we even have a choice?
For the record, I am guilty of placing labels on people-stereotyping them based on their age or who they are. I am also guilty of losing who I am because of labels placed on me. Over time, I used those labels as excuses to justify my actions. I fell into a category instead of being my unique self. So the previous questions are for me as much as anyone who may be reading this.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on how brains are wired and how that wiring affects people during different developmental stages in their life. I do understand that there are times when our bodies are experiencing changes that affect our personalities and actions. There are times when the tendency to act in those stereotypical ways is heightened.
Now, my question remains. Do we have to simply fall into a given stereotype? Or is there a choice?
I believe we have a choice. That’s an easy answer to say, but I realize it’s hard to choose what’s best or right over the labels that have been so quickly placed on us. It’s hard because stereotypes have created less than ideal expectations for us. As long as you act how you're expected to act, you will be seen as “normal” or “typical”. I also believe that for an individual who hasn’t yet decided to have a personal relationship with Jesus, choosing to live outside of the shadow of your stereotype will be much more difficult. Everything is more difficult without Jesus. :) If that’s you, my suggestion is to stop here and truly evaluate where you are in life. Knowing Jesus won’t take away all the pain, struggle, and chaos in your world, but surrendering yourself to Him will guarantee that you will never be alone and that He will fight for you and with you. If your identity is not grounded in Jesus, I pray that you will open your eyes and your heart to Him and ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. And when you do, call me!!! I want to celebrate with you!!
Having a personal relationship with Jesus makes the choice that I believe we have much easier. Here’s why. 2 Peter 1:3 says, “By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a Godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know Him…” We don’t have to be what those stereotypes say we are. We don’t have to live up to the labels placed on us because of our past, our family history, our age, our gender, etc. We have been given what we need to live Godly. We just have to choose to! Over and over.
So, to the teenagers that everyone says will be rebellious and go through a wild phase, you don’t have to. 2 Timothy 2:22 says to “run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living.” In Jesus, you have what you need to make the choice to be different.
To the boys that everyone says are going to talk dirty and tell inappropriate jokes, you don’t have to. Ephesians 4:29 says to “guard your speech - never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others.” In Jesus, you have what you need to make the choice to talk differently.
To the preacher’s kids that everyone expects to go wild, you don’t have to. Matthew 6:33 says to “seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously.” 1 Timothy 6:11 also says to “pursue a Godly life.” In Jesus, you have what you need to make the choice to live righteously.
To the alcoholic’s kid that everyone expects will follow down the same road, you don’t have to. Romans 5:18 says, “Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and new life for everyone.” Romans 12:2 says to “let God transform you into a new person.” In Jesus, you have what you need to make the choice to let God make you new.
To every other person who has been given negative stereotypes or is sinking under the weight of labels, you have what you need to make the choice to live a Godly life. If you feel like you have lost who you truly are because you have been simply living up to human expectations, you have what you need to make the choice to find your identity in Jesus. Proverbs 2:9 says that He will empower us to make the right decisions, and Psalms 106:3 tells us that there is joy in doing the right thing.
In Jesus, we can live a Godly life. So, to my earlier question “Do we have to fall into a given stereotype?” my answer is most certainly no. In Jesus, we have a choice. Not that it’ll be an easy choice, but we can still make it. We can live righteously no matter who we are, how old we are, who our parents are, or how bad our past is. We just have to choose to. And we can…with Jesus.
